1. Want to work at a hot Hollywood club? Be prepared to hang from a ceiling, re-enact Coyote Ugly, wear costumes made of bones, antlers and feathers; or fake BDSM in leather shorts and bras (Creatures of the Night, Monday, Nov. 30).

2. Affordable couches are easy to find in L.A. Occasional chairs, not so much. But here are our picks for under $500 (Seating for One?, Tuesday, Dec. 1).

3. Bebel Gilberto’s voice should be bottled and sold in eau de toilette form (she’s also coming back to L.A. for  Dec. 9th  performance; Bossa Nova Beauty, Wednesday, Dec. 2).

4. Returning a handbag with beer stains does not a good idea make (No, You Can’t Return that Janky Handbag, Thursday, Dec. 3).

5. Thom Browne may not approve of your laissez-faire, casual L.A. attire, but he’ll gleefully have a chopped salad with you at The Ivy (See you at The Ivy, Mr. Browne, Friday, Dec. 4).

Photo: Lucent Dossier performers—the ensemble is currently in residence at h.wood (see story no. 1, above).